Funny Stuff

I got this email and really can't claim that I wrote these, but I absolutly relate to all of them and I bet you do too! I literally LAUGHED OUT LOUD to quite a few :) The text in red is my thoughts on it. Have fun!

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. I'm never wrong, but I see this in Jace's eyes alot : )
-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter? This one just made me laugh.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. I think this every day!! All those times when I fought tooth and nail not to have to go to sleep... now it's my favorite thing!
-There is a great need for sarcasm font. I hate chocolate. See?! I was being sarcastic, but you'd never know it!
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts. Absolutely
-How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? You don't. You ball it up and throw it in the linen closet. Trick question I guess.
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. I don't know how many times I've had my fingers turn purple from the bag handles twisting around them while I try to shut the door with my butt and open the house door with my elbow.
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. I'm bored, time for a snack!
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying. This is the fill in the bubble tests that are graded by a computer. It is very scary! C. C. C. oh no! I better go back and change one! They certainly wouldn't put 3 C's in a row!
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". just funny
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? I think it depends on who you are talking to.... if it's a 3 year old... NEVER say what! Just say " Uh huh" or "Wow" or "yeah"
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! I am usually the one the breaks down and lets them in. Don't use this to your advantage next time we are stuck in some traffic together!
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other? hmmmm
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart. What a great game! Princess was always leaving those darn peels for me to spin out on... I never liked her.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. I think this everytime that I use it!
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water. Before Mom and Dad put a shower upstairs, their only shower was in the basement and you had to be IN it to reach the knobs. I mastered turning the knob and bursting out the shower in the time it took for the water to travel up the pipes. Not only did I have to dodge the icy blast, but I also always had to have my eyes on the lookout for spiders!
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. Besides, if I wash them, they are too tight to wear until I suck in to button them and do a bunch of goofy squats and lunges to put my cheeks back in their place! Not true for sweatpants... those always fit : )
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. Amen
-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible. Haha! Get it? 'Cause they're both hard to find!
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem.... *shiver* This is what I dread about wedding showers!
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. Me too!
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever. For me it means ruined, because I rarely check the tag.
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? D@mmit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? Haha!
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. So true
-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles... funny
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. or I check my wrist only to see it's half past a freckle : )
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. No, not you...... *cough cough*
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it. I don't even know what to do with mine.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding a front row parking spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey, but I'd bet my a$s everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time... I should have a gold ribbon in this! Jace could attest to that. My alarm is up on the dresser and as soon as it goes off, I bounce up, whack the snooze, lay back down and am back asleep within seconds. This morning I did it for 45 minutes! Whoops!

Can you relate to any of these???

Eating my words....

"Gibby will never sleep in our bed. She has a perfectly good bed next to ours." Chomp, Chomp, Chomp. I must say those aren't the most delicious words I've ever eaten.

It started with me feeling quite alone on the bed when Jace would work nights and plunking her lightly on the foot of the bed. She would stay for about 10 minutes, hop off, and lay on her own bed. It was just right. Then one morning I awoke to find her still on the bed. "Isn't that cute?!" and "Wow! She can jump up on the bed all by herself! Good Girl!" Just take a look at the little diagram I have created about what that night has evolved into.

Lovely.

She literally slept in the V of my legs last night.

(like my Microsoft Paint skills?? I won't say how long this took)

Who could say no to this face?!

Not Me! It's hard to tell but she has the longest eyelashes ever! I never knew dogs had eyelashes. Her's are long and swoop glamorously outward. They are slightly darker than her fur and you can kind of see them here. All she has to do is bat those beauties and I give in to her every whim : ) More table scraps honey? A walk? How about a good lick from the toilet? hehe

That's all I have for today.. I'm a little low on interesting happenings lately!

Eleanor Koenig is here...

and she is a beauty!! Congrats to my dear Leah and her husband, Adam! I seriously love these two and am so happy to get to meet the little bundle soon! I wish I had a picture to share with you, but I don't yet. But, I DO have a picture of her lovely momma and handsome dad, only about 9 months ago ; )

BIRTHDAY GIRL!

Happy Birthday to Carol and Gibson! We will be celebrating Carol's Sunday but gave Gibby a great birthday this morning : )

She hated the hat but was a trooper for a good 5 minutes!!

She wouldn't stop to pose with her "cake" but she did do what any reasonable 1 year old would.... shove her face in it! (Her cake is a nicely shaped blob of canned dog food. She normally eats dry food so it seemed to be as good as cake to her!) It's hard to tell but I'm sure her eyes were lit with excitement! And I'll admit it, I sang : )

And she did NOT drop to the floor and cover her ears because of my singing! She was trying to get that hat off : ) After a few unsuccessful minutes and plenty of laughing and pictures on my end, I helped her. She was scooting her head all over the livingroom carpet and it wouldn't budge. Quite funny.

The day is not yet over and on top of her cake and new Frisbee, she will get a walk later and we may even go visit her friend, Jake (mom and dad's dog). They are best friends until he starts to get a little "nosy" and sniffs her bottom. She gets kinda feisty....atta girl!

She's the coolest 1 year old I know!

Odd boy out

In my best Big Bird singing voice..."One of these kids is not like the others. One of these kids just doesn't belong. Can you tell which kid is not like the others, before I finish this song."

Of course you can't because I can't get the picture any bigger than this without it looking terribly grainy. I will just have to show you my little odd man out. Keep in mind this is a picture from Russia's Bible camp and every single kid seems overjoyed at learning more about God's love and our faith.

No, not that kid with the mohawk...... The one with the permascowl on his face. HAHA! Jack is my daily source of laughter whether he means to be or not.

And my day is only half over!!

My laptop started acting up last month and because it is still under warranty, I was able to send it back to HP for no cost. They sent me a box to send it to them in and off it went to be fixed.

So I just got off the phone about half an hour ago as I argued with a FedEx service rep about where in the world my laptop could be. The tracking number sent me to a page that said it was delivered Saturday to the backdoor and no signature was required. Come on now, why wouldn't they require a signature for a laptop?! I was spazzing out because I was fully picturing my laptop as being stolen. They told me that they would contact the driver and try to get more information on where it could be.
In the mean time I decide to call HP and yell at them for not requiring a signature. After yelling REPRESENTATIVE at the automated lady, I was transferred to a woman who was about as easy to understand as Charlie Brown's teacher. Outsourcing blows. I explained my dilemma and she tried to assure me that a signature WAS required although I was looking right at the tracking page that said it was not. I grumped a bit more and gave her the tracking number that I had. She finally said, "Ma'am, that's the tracking number for the empty box that we sent you a month ago. Your laptop should arrive on Thursday." "Uhhhh.. thanks." CLICK! I quickly FedEx and told them not to worry and to please cancel any plans they had to talk to the driver. Whoops!

I also had to call the vet today because Gibby has an odd rash on her belly that seems to be itching her. Too much people food perhaps ?!
Lady: "Has she been chewing?"
Me: "She has this bone she loves that she chews on a lot."
Lady: "I meant, does she chew at her rash."
Me: feels like an idiot :)

So we set an appointment for tomorrow and she asks me to bring in a urine sample....
Me: "Sure, how the heck do I get that?"
Lady: "Wait until she squats and put a pan or bowl under her."
Me: "That should be interesting."

I was right.... it was.
Not wanting her urine in any of my pans or bowls, I chose a plastic cup.
Picture this: Me holding a plastic cup following Gibby around the yard and waiting for her to squat and pee so I can catch it in said cup. She squats as she looks suspiciously at me placing a cup between her legs, takes a step, and pees on my thumb. *sigh* motherhood.......